Friday, January 16, 2015


Today was my birthday.

Usually it's just another day.  A day when it was fun just to sit back and watch everyone celebrate at my expense.  Until now...

I have been overwhelmed today.  I normally get up and start answering messages and always prided myself in talking to each one.  Last year it was hard.  This year, impossible.  I slept in late and by the time I got up my phone was blowing up, FB had was unmanageable and calls were piling up.  I had intended to go to do some work, make a few sales calls and line up a couple of meetings.  But that wa snot to be not that I am complaining.  I am just plain astounded and humbled!

I did manage to answer every text and phone call.  I also liked every post on FB.  It was nice walk down memory lane.  I looked at each one and tried to remember where we met.  Some I didn't know but took a moment to look at the page and the face in hopes that one day we might run into each other. So many long time friends who we'd lost touch with over the years and current friends and ones yet to be made.

Thanks for making life special each and every day!  I am blessed!

I don't really feel older.  I am proud to say I'm still playing with a full deck.  I just don't shuffle as often!

You are as young as your faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fear; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. ~Douglas MacArthur

Take care,

Thursday, January 1, 2015

Happy New Year! Thanks!

It has been awhile.  I am going to try to do better.  I pray that you see improvement as writing is not a strong suit.  i am a talker.  Trying to put feelings and thoughts to paper has always been a struggle but the only way to learn is to do it is do it.  Here goes.....

I don't know about you, but I was sure happy to see 2014 go!  I can't believe I survived the drama, the torment, all the new beginnings, so many new lessons learned and so much more.  Dang! But it's great to be "back in the game of life"!

I have spent the last 4 or five years recovering and rebuilding myself physically.  So many bodily things to be fixed and mend.  For so long I was just surviving.  But 2014 brought a new attitude and another chance to get things back to "normal" what ever that is.  I have no clue what normal is for me.  I spent most of my life controlled by pain.

4 years ago, my health had degraded to the point that I was pretty much confined to home. I had to have help getting dressed, I really couldn't drive, I was carrying a cane or used a walker to get around.  I was so drugged up just to be able to get through the day - basically my quality of life sucked.  I remember praying that one day that I would just be able to reach down and tie my shoes.  That's all I wanted, Tie my shoes.  Is that desperate or what?

Well now, I do that and so much more that I have only have faint memories of as a kid and really am overwhelmed!  I have surpassed the quality of life I remember.  So what is normal?  I don't know.  I still have some muscle building to do and a little rehab as I explore the new me.  I challenge myself everyday to do something new, sometimes with unpleasant results.  But I have learned to pick myself up and dust myself off.  You've got to keep moving forward!  It's scary though!

"Getting back into the game" has had many challenges and got off to a rocky start in 2014 to say the least!  I learned so many lessons.  Some were hard, some were easy, some were heart wrenching, others heartwarming.  Who says your can't teach an old dog new tricks?

I had found love and then lost love.  I learned what it is really is better to loved once than to have never loved at all!  I still hurt at times but realize that is was a gift and thank God for letting me know I still have a heart.  For if you don't open your heart, though sometimes painful, you will not feel the joy either.

I learned that it so easy to know that you have to stand back and let your kids grow and spread their wings.  The pride and the fear that goes with it. Yes, we have to stand back and let them make their own mistakes.  That's fine, until they make one.  It was hard to fight that "parent" feeling!

I learned that pursuing a dream takes time, that it doesn't come right away.  Patience is not one of my stronger suits. You just have to keep plugging away and believe.  It is a true test of loving unconditionally!

I learned just who my friends were.  Part of that was eye opening as some of the people I was closest too turned their back when I needed them most.  However, I was overwhelmed by those who stood by me and found many that I didn't even know of.  Wow! I needed to open my eyes more to those around me.  How blind we can be sometimes.

I learned that getting and trying to live the "new life" puts me into situations where I have the feeling of having bit off more than I can chew.  What was I thinking?

I learned that I can sing and people actually like to hear that?  Who would have thought?

I learned that God does put only what we can handle on our plate.  I just wish he didn't trust me so much.  But seeing the struggles of others,  my struggle is so insignificant.

I reaffirmed my belief that God answers prayers.  Maybe not the way we want as He is watching out for us when we are not watching out for ourselves.  I had many close calls!

Most importantly, I learned just how important you are!

This blog seems to be all about me.  Contraire! My purpose is a tribute to you and in some small way say "Thanks!".  Yes, I mean you if you're reading this.  I couldn't have accomplished anything nor come as far as I have without you.

No matter how insignificant you think you have been,  you have helped inspire me, keep me working and believe.  You believed in me when I didn't believe myself.  You shared a smile when I struggled to smile.  You pushed me when I thought I could go no further. You had a kind word when i was in despair.  You made me feel needed when I had almost given up.  You helped dry the many tears I have had this past year.  You shared with me the many successes and ups we both had.  You helped me laugh at the mistakes, learn the lessons and move on.  You shared laughter and we made many new memories.  You helped pick me up when I stumbled.

What more can I say?  There's a lot but I won't bore you.  Looking back at 2014 from where I sit looks bleak.  But stepping back and putting it all into perspective, it was a great year!  Great because I am so blessed to have you in my life!  Thanks for filling my heart and helping me know just what is important!

Happy New Year and may we all continue to move forward with joys and laughter.  Know that in 2015 you are important whether its a passing smile, a fb post, a handshake or fist bump, a kind word, a laugh, a barb meant in a good way or words of encouragement.  Promise me you will share that, not only with me, but with others you come in contact with.  You will inspire whether you know it or not and sow a seed you will reap benefits from one day!  Remember, everything comes back 10 fold!



Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Lost Love

I have ignored this blog for way too long.  It started as a little self therapy as I recovered from several surgeries.  I also hope to hone a skill I am not very good at.  I can talk your tail off but had/have much difficulty in putting feelings down on paper.  I also hoped it would become a way to vent some steam on topics I feel strongly about.  I just got distracted by everyday life and trying to move myself ahead.  Oh well.

I notice after talking with friends and seeing posts on Facebook/Twitter so many people going through breakups.  I guess it is that time of year when we are posturing for the holidays and time to let go of what is not working in hopes of finding new in time.  My heart goes out to all that are hurting.  But all is not lost.....

I recently went through a breakup myself that left me in need.  I feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest.  Even though it had been a long time to come to fruition, it was inevitable even though I tried so hard to keep it alive.  Life happens and sometimes will beat you up.  There were events that transpired that I had no control over nor was responsible for just as we were going to really get the relationship into full gear.  I keep asking myself why?  Come on! Isn't there someone out there for everyone?  Why can't I find it? There are some things I have learned and realized that I would like to share the my answers to some those questions and a few I wish I had learned a long time ago.

I miss this person terribly and especially my friend.  I miss who I am when I am with her. Even as just friends.   If I have a regret, it's because I miss my friend more than anything.  And why is that even though they hurt you so and you tell them you never what to see or talk to them again, you keep hoping for a text or call?  Or they just show up and go for that Officer and Gentleman moment?  Recently she called a friend and asked about me.  The friend felt the need to share all of that.  Why does it bother me so?  All I could say was that I was glad to hear she was ok but that I'm not a part of that life anymore and cried my heart out.  Dang.  Just when you thought it was safe.  Sigh.  But chin up, life goes on and somehow when I thought I was going to die,  I am still here.  The heart is a strange beast and hard to keep control of for sure!

First, after all I have been through, I think there is an angel on my shoulder looking out for me even when I am not looking out for myself.  I think in many ways that the Good Lord is watching out and makes things happen as a way to steer me in the right direction or keep me on the right path.  I don't know why at the moment but feel the answers will come one day.  I know way too many times I have gone through broken relationships that at the time seemed devastating only later to look back and say.  "Whew, I dodged the bullet there!"  And I am sure that some of my former partners have said the same thing about me.  LOL!

I wish that someone had told me this.  A friend posted this recently on FB and how true it is. It reads,"Even the heart that is shattered into so many pieces that you can't find them all..can be mended ..sometimes a heart has to be broken so that it can be opened up to something that fills it and makes it feel whole again..doesn't mean it won't have scars ..scars are just reminders of the courage it took to love in the first place ".  How powerful that statement is!  Sometimes I guess those scars are still healing and we need to be reminded.

I had to remind myself that when the relationship started I was pretty much a shell of my original self, almost an invalid after 3 abdominal surgeries and a hip replacement.  My mind said that I had nothing to lose and everything to gain.  It made me want to be a better man, a better parent and overall better person.  She made me realize that I had so much to offer and give, so much unrealized potential.  It served a purpose.  i am so much better off.  My health is better that ever.  My attitude is still holding up.  All of the hard work I have put into the past year is just beginning to pay off.  How can I be too angry?  I hope the Lord has decided that the relationship served it's purpose for both of us and time to move on to the next level.  Even still, I can't imagine feeling the heights or better.  At least it awoke me and something in me that I feel I had lost.  No regrets there!

Here's another. "A breakup is like a broken mirror. It's better to leave it broken than hurt yourself trying to fix it."  How much pain and heartache I could have saved myself!  Jeez...

And then I saw this, "Giving up doesn't always meant you're weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go".  

All in all, in reflection, yes I still cry sometimes and yes it hurts like 40 hells but I found the true meaning of that saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.  I still smile and pray for strength to move on and be wise enough to see the opportunity at something better when the Lord presents it.  I really felt that I had found a soul mate, someone that completed me. It seems that He has other plans and I can't wait to see what is in store!

To her I say I love you and somewhere in my heart is a special place that you made for yourself and I will cherish that forever.  i wish you luck and only the best.  Thanks for showing me and sharing your heart if only for a little while.  It was a gift whether it was for you, or me or both.  Thanks so much and I am thankful for the moments we shared.  You brightened my life when I needed it most and now it's time to share your gift and awesomeness with someone else.  By the same token, it's time to pick myself up, dust myself off off  and share MY gifts, the lessons learned and all I have to offer with someone who is deserving.  I cry at the loss but am excited about the new adventure before us.  I know that the good you have done for me will come back to you ten fold!  Thanks!

Just a few thoughts...

Take care...Kurt

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Duck Dynasty Ruffles Feathers

Just had to weigh in on Phil Robertson's  comments in GQ recently and the uproar.  Really?

1st: What does anyone care how Phil Robertson (or any other celebrity) feels about any political or social issue?  The world is not going to stop revolving or keep moving forward because of his feelings, right or wrong, about anything. Period! He's entitled to his opinion and the right to express it as well as others to contradict him.

2nd: He is "old south" plain and simple.  I talked about it in a previous blog dealing with Paul Dean. I've lived here many years and studied the culture. This is how the older generation in the south was brought up to believe.   Sure, it seems that Phil and others like him have dug a hole and buried themselves in archaic beliefs.  But that's the way it is and we're probably not going to change it.  I can tell the story of of an ex mother in law (God rest her soul) and my attempts to change her attitudes but I won't bore you.  Quite simply, it didn't work and nothing I could say or do made a difference.  All I could teach my child was to say, "that's nanny".  Accept it and move on.

3rd: His comments are a reminder of the past.  Let's not forget the old adage about those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it;  Having grown up in the north and not exposed to many of the attitudes and wrong doings, we must learn that these attitudes are real to some people. Real to those who grew up in the early days of the 20th Century.   Let's not make the same mistake with future generations.

4th:  I have been a Duck Dynasty fan from the first show.  It is entertaining to me, quaint and just plain fun.  On the baddest of days, they find a way to make me laugh and realize that we can take life too seriously sometimes. Even though I don't agree with all of Phil's beliefs I accept the show for what it is and will continue to watch.

BTW: I just saw where the A&E suspension was pretty much a show. He will return quietly in January as scheduled.

Finally, prejudice is not something we are born with but taught.  Martin Luther King's dream will probably not be a reality in my lifetime.  I can only hope we teach the next generations learn the ways of tolerance and trust of each other.  One's skin color doesn't make or break a person but what's inside.

Take care! Until next time,


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Miley Cyrus has a Ball

It has been awhile! Sorry, been tied up and busy.

It has been a few weeks since Miley Cirus did the now infamous "twerk" dance with Robin Thicke on the VMAs and everyone is still talking about it!  I can't believe it!

I hear folks that are just appalled. Come on. Give me a break!

First, Miley is still flexing her wings and breaking out of a shell called childhood.  We all have done things we are not necessarily proud of and we all have had the desire to do some things that would raise eyebrows.  It's just we get to see her do it in the public eye.

Second, Miley is an entertainer playing a character as she has all of her life.  Is this the real Miley Cirus?  I doubt it.  Sure, it's a part of her but the real person is someone you and I are not privy to.  She does have a life of her own and it's hers to be what she wants.

Third, what a publicity coup!  My goodness!  Not since Apple released that video back in the 80's has so much FREE advertising been bestowed on any person or product without paying a dime!  Apple's commercial is still played on many sites as one of the best commercials debuted during a Super Bowl.  It has been played and viewed by per a billion people and going strong.  Apple payed for the commercial to play only once!  It has been estimated that it translates to over a couple of billion dollars in free advertising.  I think I can safely say that Miley has received much more than that in just a few weeks.  Let's put it this way, if you don't know that she has a new album out or that she is breaking the Hannah Montana mold - You've been under a rock…

Fourth, would I want my daughter looking at Miley as a roll model.  Certainly not the character.  But I would make sure she understand that it's business, pretend.  Pretend is Miley's world, not my daughters.

Kudos to Miley and her people for pulling off the advertising coup de grace!

Take care,


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Zimmerman Trial

I just wanted to weigh in.  We have all heard the news coming out of the trial and it looks like, bar some unforeseen miracle,  George Zimmerman is going to be acquitted of killing Trayvon Martin.  It does not make it right.

Although his intentions may have been in the right place, Zimmerman violated every concept behind the neighborhood watch and even thumbed his nose at police operators he was talking to.  Even if Trayvon Martin was a looter, robber, whatever, nothing is worth losing a life over unless he was breaking into a home where he might have put the occupants in danger.  He wasn't threatening anyone.  He was not menacing.  Travon even went so far as to try to get away from Zimmerman.

Unfortunately, the Stand Your Ground law is being misused in the case, in my opinion. Here is the part of the law in question: (note, this is one of the subsections of a law with many parts)

A person who is not engaged in an unlawful activity and who is attacked in any other place where he or she has a right to be has no duty to retreat and has the right to stand his or her ground and meet force with force, including deadly force if he or she reasonably believes it is necessary to do so to prevent death or great bodily harm to himself or herself or another or to prevent the commission of a forcible felony.

This is what George Zimmerman says he is using as a defense.  Unfortunately, I have not heard anything about the fact it should apply to Trayvon not Zimmerman.  Trayvon had a right to be where he was walking home from the store where he bought some tea and candy.  Zimmerman followed him, at no time identified himself and was clearly armed. It was raining and dark.  After many of Trayvon's maneuvers Zimmerman continued to follow eventually getting out of his vehicle to pursue further even though he knew the police were on the way and being clearly warned not to.

Having been in some similar situations, it would have scared the bejesus out me and honestly say I would have been in fear of great bodily harm while being at minimum, robbed.  The old adage that the best offense is sometimes the best defense holds true.  I have been known to stand my ground on more than one occasion but usually with a baseball bat in hand and lots of talk.

Had George Zimmerman not put on his wannabe policeman face, stayed in the car as advised and stayed where he was, not been carrying a pistol and followed the other rules and guidelines of a neighborhood watch a young man trying to find his way into adulthood would still be alive.  Even though Trayvon was not perfect, he would still have the chance to straighten himself out, find his way and maybe, just maybe, be a fruitful, productive citizen with so much to offer.

Whether it was intentional or not, as I see it, George Zimmerman robbed Trayvon Martin of that right. His behavior at best was reckless unnecessarily putting his own life and those of the neighbors close by in danger.

Maybe justice will not be handed out in the court of law but like O.J., it will in the civil court.

Take Care!


Monday, June 24, 2013

Just wanted to congratulate Carly Mathis of Leesburg on winning the Miss Georgia title!  She is an awesome lady and I want to wish her good luck in September!

I'll just say it, I'm pretty ticked about all this hoopla around Paula Deen.  Quite frankly, it stinks.

I've known Paula for many years and think the world of her.  I watched her scrape, scrounge and fight to climb out from a black hole, both financially and mentally.  What a great American success story!  You can look her up on Wikipedia for details as I won't go into them here.  But I saw first hand and watched her battle and am so proud of her.

I first met Paula when she lived here in Albany through the radio station and would run into to her at social events.  After her divorce, her sons used to deliver lunch with some of the best sandwiches you've ever had!  I ran into her again in Savannah and visited her then new restaurant.  What a change I saw from a demur housewife to a successful business woman!

I saw first hand her encouragement and support of friends and coworkers and her wonderful charity work.

Now we disparage her?  All because of the use of the N- word years ago brought to light by a disgruntled money grubbing former employee's lawsuit?  Give me a break!

I watched a new program the other day when a reporter was asked if he had ever used the N- word and he said he could honestly say no.  Bully for him! That makes me feel a lot better about the state of racial discrimination, however, for those of us who grew up during the 60's and 70's that was not the case.  It was a time of turmoil and unrest as the fight was to changes in attitudes and discrimination.  The South in particular had a lot of changes to make, especially.

Have I ever used the N- work.  I am embarrassed to say, yes.  I can only remember once as it was in a classroom situation where the teacher then immediately took me to task over the use of the word.  To her credit, she pulled me aside and I got a pretty good lecture about how degrading it was and was not nice.  I still remember to this day how bad and embarrassed I felt and vowed never to say it again.

Even then, I was taught to be afraid.  I grew up in a town that had no African-American families but was always told stories.  Most of it rumor and innuendo.  We did not have the resources we have today to dispel and of that.  And watching the riots in Watts and other places in the 60's only reinforced any fears I had.  It was only when I was a sophomore in h.s. that the first A/F family moved to town.  The dad was a coach for the local school and the family included a girl my age.  Getting to know them, surprise, they were just like us!  A typical American family trying to find their piece of the American dream.

My point of all this is that us older folks have had to evolve over the years from so many archaic attitudes and "learning" that was shady at best and some that were downright wrong.  We have all said and done things we are not proud of and, speaking for myself, embarrassed.  Hopefully this new generation is one we have taught well but can be forgiving and tolerant for our failings in our youth.

The Food Network has decided not to renew her contract and QVC is now hedging on selling her great line of pots and pans.  She has made both of these companies a lot of money with the Paula Deen brand and waiver over her personal reputation.  I find it spineless and really a bad business decision. But that is their's to make.  Good luck to them but for me, I won't watch their channels and take my business elsewhere.

I am proud of my teaching that being American is not white or black, asian or hispanic, Christian or Atheist, gay or straight or our heritage.  We are bound together as one by ideal, a common belief of freedom. equality and acceptance.

Paula is a survivor and I have no doubt that she will come through this stronger and better than ever.  I hope we all learn a lesson that being sanctimonious is not the answer nor a good quality for any of us to have.

Take care,