It has been awhile. I am going to try to do better. I pray that you see improvement as writing is not a strong suit. i am a talker. Trying to put feelings and thoughts to paper has always been a struggle but the only way to learn is to do it is do it. Here goes.....
I don't know about you, but I was sure happy to see 2014 go! I can't believe I survived the drama, the torment, all the new beginnings, so many new lessons learned and so much more. Dang! But it's great to be "back in the game of life"!
I have spent the last 4 or five years recovering and rebuilding myself physically. So many bodily things to be fixed and mend. For so long I was just surviving. But 2014 brought a new attitude and another chance to get things back to "normal" what ever that is. I have no clue what normal is for me. I spent most of my life controlled by pain.
4 years ago, my health had degraded to the point that I was pretty much confined to home. I had to have help getting dressed, I really couldn't drive, I was carrying a cane or used a walker to get around. I was so drugged up just to be able to get through the day - basically my quality of life sucked. I remember praying that one day that I would just be able to reach down and tie my shoes. That's all I wanted, Tie my shoes. Is that desperate or what?
Well now, I do that and so much more that I have only have faint memories of as a kid and really am overwhelmed! I have surpassed the quality of life I remember. So what is normal? I don't know. I still have some muscle building to do and a little rehab as I explore the new me. I challenge myself everyday to do something new, sometimes with unpleasant results. But I have learned to pick myself up and dust myself off. You've got to keep moving forward! It's scary though!
"Getting back into the game" has had many challenges and got off to a rocky start in 2014 to say the least! I learned so many lessons. Some were hard, some were easy, some were heart wrenching, others heartwarming. Who says your can't teach an old dog new tricks?
I had found love and then lost love. I learned what it is really is better to loved once than to have never loved at all! I still hurt at times but realize that is was a gift and thank God for letting me know I still have a heart. For if you don't open your heart, though sometimes painful, you will not feel the joy either.
I learned that it so easy to know that you have to stand back and let your kids grow and spread their wings. The pride and the fear that goes with it. Yes, we have to stand back and let them make their own mistakes. That's fine, until they make one. It was hard to fight that "parent" feeling!
I learned that pursuing a dream takes time, that it doesn't come right away. Patience is not one of my stronger suits. You just have to keep plugging away and believe. It is a true test of loving unconditionally!
I learned just who my friends were. Part of that was eye opening as some of the people I was closest too turned their back when I needed them most. However, I was overwhelmed by those who stood by me and found many that I didn't even know of. Wow! I needed to open my eyes more to those around me. How blind we can be sometimes.
I learned that getting and trying to live the "new life" puts me into situations where I have the feeling of having bit off more than I can chew. What was I thinking?
I learned that I can sing and people actually like to hear that? Who would have thought?
I learned that God does put only what we can handle on our plate. I just wish he didn't trust me so much. But seeing the struggles of others, my struggle is so insignificant.
I reaffirmed my belief that God answers prayers. Maybe not the way we want as He is watching out for us when we are not watching out for ourselves. I had many close calls!
Most importantly, I learned just how important you are!
This blog seems to be all about me. Contraire! My purpose is a tribute to you and in some small way say "Thanks!". Yes, I mean you if you're reading this. I couldn't have accomplished anything nor come as far as I have without you.
No matter how insignificant you think you have been, you have helped inspire me, keep me working and believe. You believed in me when I didn't believe myself. You shared a smile when I struggled to smile. You pushed me when I thought I could go no further. You had a kind word when i was in despair. You made me feel needed when I had almost given up. You helped dry the many tears I have had this past year. You shared with me the many successes and ups we both had. You helped me laugh at the mistakes, learn the lessons and move on. You shared laughter and we made many new memories. You helped pick me up when I stumbled.
What more can I say? There's a lot but I won't bore you. Looking back at 2014 from where I sit looks bleak. But stepping back and putting it all into perspective, it was a great year! Great because I am so blessed to have you in my life! Thanks for filling my heart and helping me know just what is important!
Happy New Year and may we all continue to move forward with joys and laughter. Know that in 2015 you are important whether its a passing smile, a fb post, a handshake or fist bump, a kind word, a laugh, a barb meant in a good way or words of encouragement. Promise me you will share that, not only with me, but with others you come in contact with. You will inspire whether you know it or not and sow a seed you will reap benefits from one day! Remember, everything comes back 10 fold!